The $20 makeover

Haircut: $11 Eyebrow wax: $7.  a cup of coffee: $2. A day at the beauty school? Priceless.

I can't afford $70 to get my hair done.  As a consequence, I've cut my own hair for years.  Sometimes it's cute, sometimes it's awful.  You never know what you're going to get when you're cutting the back of your hair with a straight razor and have no idea what it looks like.  Then my life changed.  My friend, Amanda, started beauty school.  At first I went to be supportive.  Then I found out that she's good!!

I know.  You think that sounds scary.  But look at it this way: everyone's got to start somewhere.  And either you have it or you don't.  So, the key is to have your hair cut by someone who has it, who is just starting out.

Amanda Rogers, getting ready to chop off my mullet at The Salon Professional Academy.

If you don't know anyone personally at the beauty school, make an appointment for a pedicure.  Think of this as your undercover trip, an investment in the future of you hair.  Let's be honest, you can live with a bad pedicure, but the mop that frames your face had better be lovely.  While you're getting your pedicure, ask your nail girl who gives the cutest cuts and look at the students' hair.  When you find the student with cute hair ask him/her who cut it--chances are it was another student.  When they tell you, make an appointment.  Done.  You have your stylist.

Next stop: massage school.

Below is the menu for The Salon Professional Academy (www.nashvillebeautyschool.com).

• Haircut                               $9
• Child’s Cut (12 and under)$5
• Bang or Beard Trim       $7
• Shampoo & Style              $6
• Special Occasion Updo$19
• Conditioning Service   $6
• Color & Style                   $19
• Highlights                        $29
• Perm                                $39
• Relaxer                           $39

SKIN   STARTING AT:

• Facial                              $19
• Facial with Makeup     $19
• Makeup Application      $9
• Facial Wax                       $9

NAILS   STARTING AT:

• Manicure                         $9
• French Manicure         $14
• Pedicure                        $19
• Polish Change              $5
• Paraffin Dip                     $7
• Nail Art                            $4

Betseyville Yes: making use of vintage sheets

see Betseyville at Paradise Properties

For the low, low price of $600,000 you can be owner of Betseyville--Betsey Johnson's villa in Mexico.  I'll be honest, I love Betsey Johnson.  And though I'll never be as funky, or have hair as pink, or walk in heels as high as she does, I like to know I have the option.  And though I could never afford her personally designed and staged villa in Mexico, I find comfort in knowing it's there for the taking.

For those of us who can't afford villas, much less a plane ticket just to go down and see Betseyville, much much less a Betsey Johnson dress, we must make due with our own spaces, filling them with things that make us feel beautiful.  I love Betsey Johnson's vintage inspired flowers and colors, which is what made me drool over the photos of Betseyville.

Let's face it, when you're $600,000 short, you've just got to make due, which is why I've been exploring the beauty of vintage sheets.  If you find them at the thrift store they'll cost you about $0.50 to $5, which, if you ask me, beats buying a villa you can't afford to look at.

save money by going vintage for your bedding.
Or cut up your vintage sheets to make curtains

Use your sheets as a tablecloth

Use a vintage sheet for your shower curtain.

Since most vintage sheets come in twins and fulls we may have to make a few revisions .  Following are instructions for how to finish your sheets so they may adorn your windows and tables.  A sewing machine and iron are required.

Step 1: Cut your sheet to the appropriate size, leaving 2-3 inches on each side for your hem.

Step 2: fold the edge of the fabric over by 1 inch and iron.  We'll call this side the western side of your sheet.

Step 3: Fold the fabric over again and iron

 Step 4: Sew the ironed part to make a hem.  Follow steps 1-4 for the Eastern side of your sheet.  Then do steps 1-4 for the Southern part of your sheet.  If you are making curtains, go on to step 5.  If you are making a table cloth, repeat steps 1-4 for the Northern side of your sheet.

Step 5: To make a curtain, do step 1 to the Northern side of you sheet, then fold the sheet over again, this time by 3 inches, and iron.  Sew it.  You will insert the curtain rod through this space.

If you guys decide to try this I would love to see what you come up with.  Please tell me if you can think of any other uses for beautiful vintage sheets.

Gee, Brandon. Your wife is so snotty.

Whilst on a transcontinental treck, Meagan
and I found this book at a thrift store.  
We had finished it by Nebraska.
It was the best, most awful book I've ever read.
And it is highly recommended.  

Had I listened to my own advice I wouldn’t have had the time to write this blog.  “What was this grand mistake you made? And can I make it?” you might wonder.  Well, friends, I can tell you right now, it’s not the key to more time in your day.  I wore my body down, ate brownies instead of broccoli, and denied I was getting ill instead of facing the truth and fighting that nasty virus with my righteous proteins and a few Zzzz’s.  Yes.  The bad guy won.  And I paid big time.  And by big time I mean I’ve been in bed for almost a week now and still sound like a man.   Not fancy.  In fact, the fanciest part of my week was when I was hunched over a pot of boiling water because my lungs were closing and I realized that some women pay good money to have their pores opened like this (and, naturally, a facial ensued).  

If you work for a big company, chances are good that you look forward to your sick days--they’re like paid vacations where you get to watch movies and eat chicken noodle soup.  However, if you’re like me (and I am assuming you are because we fancy poor girls have a tendency to work for mom and pops that only pay you when you show up to work--and little at that), you are your own benefactor on a sick day.  Few work days may be spared.   And that’s the price you pay for the beautiful life you live.  

So, the best way to avoid sick days is not to get sick.  You can do this by drinking plenty of water, getting 8 hours of sleep every night (preferably, between the hours of 10 pm and 6 am--not kidding.  It’s most bodies’ natural, healthy rhythm), exercising, eating your veggies, proteins, fruits, good fats, and proper carbs; and shying away from sugar, alcohol, coffee, dairies, and any grains your body may have an aversion to.  Simple? Yes.  Easy? No. Possible? Possibly.  This proves especially difficult for a fancy girl who rarely turns down the opportunity to live and be marry, who, had she her druthers, would treat herself to wine and artisan cheeses daily, who begins every day with a cup of her favorite, locally roasted, single origin coffee and a breakfast cookie, and dreams about a bar full of olive varietals.  I mean, really, why have an island when you can have the world?  Consequently, sometimes all of the fun you’ve had just ends in a big, snotty mess.  And this is the price you pay for the beautiful life you live.

However, if you feel your body is shutting down there are a few, cheap things you can do to stave off that nasty illness.  The more of these you do, the better.  If you’re on a major budget, just purchase the alliums and lemons. 

1. Remember, the first step to recovery is recognition.  To be honest, this is the one I have the most trouble with.  I will deny I am becoming ill until I am in bed and very sick.  I’m like the little kid who hides from his dad by covering his eyes.  
2. After the initial recognition has been made, drop everything you’re doing and run to the store.  Grab the following: 2 onions, a clove of garlic, dark leafy greens, lemons, chicken drumsticks, broth (msg free), and noodles or rice.
3. When you return home, you’ll want a cookie because your body is exhausted and wants a quick pick-me-up from the sugar.  Don’t do it.  That cookie will land you in bed all week.  Instead, shun the cookies and bread and pull out an onion.
4. Cut off the top of the onion and hollow out the middle.  Fill the inside with water and place in the stove.  Turn the oven to 350 (it does not need to preheat) and bake for 15 minutes.  Drink the onion water.
5. Next, eat an entire clove of garlic. (you can swallow it whole if you are able or chop it up into manageable pieces.
6. After your garlic, if you are able, go to bed immediately and sleep for as long as you can.
7. When you awake, make hot lemon water, using an entire lemon.  Drink this and eat the seeds.
8. Drink a lot of water.  A lot.  
9. If you are up to it, make chicken soup.  
10. If you’re still hungry eat your dark, leafy greens
11. Then repeat steps 5-8 as many times as needed, with a minimum of 3 times per day.  
12. Go live your life because you’re better!!!!!!!!

Brag on my Bragg

Yes, this ad is real (found on barnbaby).  Little did they
know, they could have just used apple cider vinegar

Making healthy choices can be expensive.  I hate how short ingredient lists mean bigger prices.  And it's terrifying to think that the food once produced by farmers and chefs is now the work of scientists.  Though some may be tempted to scoff at my boutique grocery shopping (fancy is as fancy does), I find that my body and mind are satisfied when I'm feeding my body things that are good for it.

This is why I love apple cider vinegar.  It's an inexpensive cure-all, which frees up some cash so I can buy things like fennel and an El Rey, coursly conched, 72% chocolate bar.  When buying apple cider vinegar, make sure you buy the one that says "from the mother" or "with the mother."  You also want to buy the bottle that has all of the stuff at the bottom.  I always buy Bragg.  

Apple cider vinegar is--you guessed it--fermented apple cider.  Apple cider vinegar contains potassium, calcium, magnesium, and iron, among other minerals and elements that your body needs to survive.  It has been known to cure stomach problems, dandruff and other yeast problems, sore throats, and mold in your house (note, due to the high acidity content, apple cider vinegar is not for everyone).

Following are a few links on how to use apple cider vinegar:

daily health

dandruff 
acid reflux
yeast infection
sore throat
weight loss
acne
sinus infection
chest cold