When life hands you old lemons, make Lemoncello

When life hands you lemons make lemonade; when life hands you old lemons make Lemoncello.  As our great-grandmothers always said, "waste not, want not."  Just because your fruit is aging doesn't mean it's time to throw it out.  In fact, these recipes work better if your fruit is already on the mature side.

"But I think it's a little different in Europe, because 40 is really the best age for a woman. That's when we hit our peak and become this ripe fruit."

--Juliette Binoche

 Lemoncello

1 750 ml bottle of vodka or everclear

15 old zested lemons

3 cups cain sugar

4 cups tap or distilled water

my baby batch of lemoncello

1. zest or skin the lemons and allow the zest to sit in the vodka or everclear for a week
2. Make a syrup out of the sugar and water by combining and allowing them to boil for 15 minutes.  Do not stir this.  Allow to cool to room temp.
3. Stir vodka mixture into syrup and allow to sit for a day.
4. strain, chill, and serve.
Click here for lemoncello cocktails

(And if you don't want to drink the juice from the lemons you can always make furniture polish)

Watermelon, Tomato, Peach, or Pineapple Salsa

2 cups fleshy fruit of choice

1 cup cilantro

3/4 cups red onion

1/4 cup lime juice

(if you use tomatoes add a dash of sugar.  The sugar in the other fruits will be sufficient)

4 jalepenos, deseeded and chopped.

my watermelon salsa

Mix ingredients and allow to sit overnight.  I put mine on fish tacos--yuuuh!!  You can also change the flavor by adding alternative herbs like mint or basil.

3. Berry, Apple, or Peach Crisp 

(sorry!  No photos for this one.)

3 cups fruit, peeled and cut

1 cup brown sugar

a dash of salt

4 pats of butter

2 T flour

1 T cinnamon

Crust:

1. 1 cup flour
2. 1/2 cup white sugar
3. 1/2 cup brown sugar
4. 1 cup cold butter
5. 1 T cinnamon
6. 1. Mix fruit, sugar, salt, butter, flour, and cinnamon.
7. 2. in a food processor process crust ingredients until it is crumbly
8. 3. top fruit mixture with crumbles and bake on 350 for about 30 minutes.

Banana Bread

3 bananas, mashed

1.5 cups brown sugar

1 T water or milk

1 t vanilla

1/2 cup butter or oil--pick your poison (if you'd like to leave this out entirely, you can still achieve a moist loaf by decreasing a bit of flour)

3 eggs

2 t baking powder

1/2 t salt

2 cups flour

walnuts (optional)

Perfect for afternoon tea with a friend.

1. Mash bananas and sugar with a potato masher or fork
2. add wet ingredients and mix
3. Add dry ingredients and mix
4 sprinkle with brown sugar or crisp crumbles and bake on 340 for about 30-40 minutes

Aunt Beth's Fruit Jam

This one is straight from the kitchen of Aunt Beth

7 cups of fruit puree (or fruit of choice)

8 cups sugar

2 T butter

2 packets of Certo fruit pectin

1. To make the puree, heat the fruit, then mash them through a sieve.  If you like the seeds or want your jam to be chunky you may skip this part.

2. Bring the puree to a boil, then slowly add the sugar.

3. Bring the sugar and fruit to a boil.  As it begins to rise, remove it from the heat and drop in a "pat" of butter (we determined that a "pat" is about 2 tablespoons of butter). 

4. Lastly, add your packets of Certo fruit pectin.

5. Can your jam and spread on toast!

You Asked For It! Aunt Beth's Blackberry Jam Recipe!!

Aunt Beth, being fancy and awesome in the 70's

You guys asked for it and here it is: Aunt Beth's homemade jam recipe.  I found out it is actually my Deedee's homemade jam recipe, which, as it turns out, is actually my Grand-Deedee's homemade jam recipe.  What I'm saying is this thing is 3 generations good. 

When I asked Aunt Beth how to make the jam her response was, "Just mix your fruit, sugar, and butter together, then boil and add pectin."  I asked her how much of each and she replied, "A lot."  So, here is the recipe (we think) for a  giant batch of blackberry wedding jam.

You'll need:

7 cups of Blackberry puree (or fruit of choice)

8 cups sugar

2 T butter

2 packets of Certo fruit pectin

1. To make the puree, heat the blackberries, then mash them through a sieve.  If you like the seeds you may skip this part.

2. Bring the blackberry puree to a boil, then slowly add the sugar.

3. Bring the sugar and berries to a boil.  As it begins to rise, remove it from the heat and drop in a "pat" of butter (we determined that a "pat" is about 2 tablespoons of butter). 

4. Lastly, add your packets of Certo fruit pectin.

5. Can your jam.  Watch this video for effective canning: click here

Everyone, repeat after me, "Thank you, Aunt Beth!!"

Cooking with Road Berries and Flowers

Obviously, she's fancy.  Ladies, repeat after me, "Of course I can."

I come from an amazing family of women.  My Mom, Grandmother, and Aunts are my heros.  Naturally, when Brandon and I got married, they all came together, throwing us the most beautiful wedding I've ever been to.  I'd like to say I could take credit for that day, but all I did was say "I do."  For our gifts to our guests, my Aunt Beth made blackberry jam from berries she had picked on the side of the road at my grandparent's house.  Maybe it was the fresh berries, maybe it was just the Aunt Beth touch, but it was the best jam I've ever had.  Often in the morning I find myself dreaming about her glorious jam, wishing I still had a jar.

Following are a few recipes you can make with road berries and flowers.  Please don't eat flowers and berries you aren't certain are edible, as some can be deadly (those of you who saw Hunger Games  know exactly what I'm talking about).  Should you eat things from your yard and feel strange afterward, please go to the hospital.




1. Honeysuckle Sorbet
I came across this recipe on the NPR site [Noah Adams].

4 cups of honeysuckle blossoms
1 2/3 cups water (for those of us in TN, better use bottled water--our water tastes gross)
2 cups of sugar
1/2 t lemon juice

1. Soak the honeysuckle overnight to get rid of any thing living on them.
2. Pour the honeysuckles and water into a sauce pan and add the sugar.  After the mixture is clear, allow to boil for 2 minutes and remove from heat.
3. Strain honeysuckle through a sieve and add 1/2 teaspoon of lemon juice
4. Take a spoon and press all of the juices, honey, and flower flavors out of your flowers to maximize the flower flavor.
5. freeze it, stirring occasionally if you're able.
6. break up your honeysuckle ice and blend in the blender or food processor before serving.


2. Sugared Violets
Eat sugared violets by themselves or use them to garnish your delectable spring desserts.

1. Wash your flowers and allow them to dry completely
2. Spread 1/2 cup of caster sugar on a plate (for the really poor fancy girl, you can take regular sugar and give it a few spins in your food processor to make it fine).
3. spread egg white onto the petals and dip into the sugar
4. place on wax paper, which also has sugar sprinkled onto it for easy removal

3. Muleberry Pie
3 cups of muleberries
1/2 cup white sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 t salt
2 T butter
1/4 c. flour
double pastry crust

1.Mix berries, sugar, salt, and flower and place into dish with piecrust
2. dot with butter
3. cover with piecrust and seal
4. Place pie in over and preheat to 400.  Once oven reaches 400 turn down to 340 and bake for 15 min or until the crust is slightly golden.
5. allow to cool on your window-sill like they do in the movies

4. Blackberry Ginger Glaze
Ok, so I'm cheating on this one--I haven't made this yet.  But I'm going to.  Here's the link for Baked Salmon with a Blackberry Ginger Glaze

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Hem me in: what alcohol and shorter pants have in common this Easter weekend

I'm a light-weight.  I hate getting drunk, but if you give me a drink it's inevitable.  One drink and I don't drive, two drinks and you'll know my life story, three drinks and I'm gone, incoherent, and have shared the most intimate and not-so-secret-anymore details of my life.  I really know I've stepped over the line when my loving husband stands up, takes me by my shoulders and says, "We're getting up, don't say anything."  When he says this, my first inclination is to say everything.  But since I never go past drink 3 I still have a few inhibitions about me and bite my lip, even though my tongue is ready to tell all of Holland House my secrets.  Though I wish I could say I am just a funny drunk, I think I'm more of an uncomfortable one.  (Mom, if you're reading this, when I refer to myself as a drunk, to what I'm really referring are the 5 times I've been drinky this year.  "Drinky" is a state and an adjective, whereas "Drunk" is a lifestyle decision.  I merely chose drunk for hyperbolic reasons).

No one in my extended family drinks alcohol or eats pork.  It's a religious and health decision, which I respect, but do not observe.  Naturally, my 3 drinks a week make me feel like a rebel, going where few dare go in my family.  And what I really mean is that I feel slightly guilty for my 3 drinks a week and if I ate pork, too, I am sure the guilt over such decisions might engulf me.  If you ask me, I chose the more fun of the evils.  Somebody, hem me in!

When I entitled this blog "Hem me in," the only thing I could think to write about was alcohol.  And unless you want to liken cutting out the unnecessary length on your pants to getting rid of the sin in your life, making life "fit" the way it should, I don't think pants and alcohol have that much in common (however, it is highly recommended that you wear them while drinking).  But I'm going to take this moment, on this Easter weekend, to say that I was saved by grace, that no amount of Manhattans or Sazeracs can separate me from the love of Jesus Christ.  I'd like to say that salvation is a gift from God and that Jesus on the cross was sufficient for my salvation--He appeased the wrath of God, a wrath that I cannot appease without Him.  Imperfect as they may be, I guess you could say my pants fit afterall.

However, if your pants are still a bit too long and you don't want to wear nine inch heels to keep them from dragging on the ground or pay $20 to have them altered, we have an easy remedy: hemming them at home.

Following are 6 easy steps to shorter pants:

Step 1: try on your pants and roll them up to your desired length.  Mark the length with a pen or chalk

Step 2: begin cutting 1.5 inches below your mark.

Step 3: cut off the bottom hem of your pants.

Step 4: line up the inseam on your pants and the hem you just cut off.  You may hold the pieces in place with pens.  

Step 5: sew along the existing hem with thread the color of your jeans.  After you have attached the bottom hem to your pants, pull on the new hem until you see the original stitching.

Step 6: Iron and lightly starch your hem.
 Have a lovely time in your properly proportioned pants--get drinky, not drunk. Drive/don't drive responsibly.   

So I Married a Cat

Hey, guys!  My internet has been down for an entire month.  So sorry about no posts.

I hated cats until my 25th birthday.  They’re coy, demeaning, and self proclaimed secret emperors.  Their attitude is rotten and they play games until they get what they want--much like the girls in 8th grade.  For all of these reasons and more, I loathed them.

Then one halloween night in 2008, while dressed as a Christmas tree, I met a furry man, who informed me that he came to the halloween party dressed as himself--as a cat.  “Oh really?”  I said, “So you’re telling me you are actually a cat.”  And he said yes.  And I said, “Then in that case, I am flower because I need sunshine, water, and coffee or I die.”  And he told me it wasn’t the same thing--that he was actually a cat.  My feet started to turn toward the punch bowl, but his eyes were so kind and his large beard was so intriguing that I stayed and talked for a while.  By my 25th birthday, 4 months later, I had made peace with cats.  The cat-man and I married on October 16th, 2010, nearly 2 years after we had met.  The following halloween I was an elf and he was a cat--again--this time with a mask, whiskers, and vintage swim trunks.      

I wouldn’t go as far as saying that God and the universe punished me for hating cats by making me fall in love with a cat [lover].  Rather, I believe that loving and marrying the cat man was an invitation to enjoy all of creation.  I have now adopted a cat named Baxter Hood Morgan, on whom Brandon and I dote lavishly.  We buy him beds and wet food and funny toys and cat nip and oat greens, which make him go crazy, and many other things, actually.  We comment on new behaviors of his and laugh every time he tries to jump onto the chair, somehow misses, and slams into the wall.  He only misses because he’s lazy, which is why it’s funny.

Not only can loving animals be expensive, but it can make them fat.  Baxter had slept on Brandon’s chest since he was a kitten (since Baxter was a kitten, that is).  When Brandon and I got married I, Baxter’s Mommie Dearest, banned him from the bedroom due to a cat allergy.  He was not happy.  For the first month we were married Brandon and I didn’t sleep because Baxter was yelling at the door all night (among other things like running and slamming his body into the door, scratching the walls, and sticking his snout under the door to yell, just incase we hadn’t heard him before).  I couldn’t believe he still had a voice by the next morning.  Then we discovered wet food.  We found that if we fed Baxter wet food, turned off all of the lights in the house, and ran into the bedroom, that he would eat the food, whine for 1 minute, then pass out for the rest of the night.  They say that you’ll gain 15 pounds after getting married--sort of like your freshman 15 all over again.  I think Baxter took 2 for the team.  Though Brandon and I didn’t gain any weight, Baxter earned the name ‘Baxter the Hut.’  Something had to be done about our large mass of a cat.  

How do we keep him thin, keep our wallets full, and still sleep every night?  A friend gave us the magic answer.  She suggested feeding him pumpkin.  Not only is pumpkin cheap and good for the feline digestive system, but Baxter loves this stuff.  Every week we mix 1 can of pumpkin with 2 cans of wet food.  We stick it in a container in the fridge and feed him a couple tablespoons every night.  It’s the cheapest sleep we’ve had a long time--believe me.  And Baxter has returned to a manageable weight (note, this is a treat for him.  We still feed him dry food as well.  I am not sure how nutritious pumpkin is--I wouldn’t suggest feeding your cat just pumpkin).  

Following are a list of things we have done for Baxter, which have also helped our budget/his unlikeness to Jaba:

1. Pumpkin and wet food concoction for a happy cat and well rested owners.  Note, if you don’t put the amount of desired wet food your cat personally prefers, there will be war.  
2. Dawn dishwashing soap is just as effective as flea shampoo and has fewer chemicals.
3. Instead of lying on the nice $30 bed Brandon and I bought for Baxter at Target, he has chosen the lay on the $3 bag of tidy cat litter.  So, we bought him a bag of litter, put it in a pretty pillow case we found at the Goodwill Outlet, and he’s a happy cat.
4. Catnip is a member of the mint family, so we are growing our own since it’s so easy to grow.  This is much cheaper than buying it at the store.  Just put the seeds in the ground.  Trust me, it’ll grow.
5. Baxter loves oat greens.  Buy oat seeds from your hardware store instead of Petsmart.  

Do you have any cheap cat tricks?  Better yet, has anyone been able to teach his cat any tricks?  Tell me.

  

Betseyville Yes: making use of vintage sheets

see Betseyville at Paradise Properties

For the low, low price of $600,000 you can be owner of Betseyville--Betsey Johnson's villa in Mexico.  I'll be honest, I love Betsey Johnson.  And though I'll never be as funky, or have hair as pink, or walk in heels as high as she does, I like to know I have the option.  And though I could never afford her personally designed and staged villa in Mexico, I find comfort in knowing it's there for the taking.

For those of us who can't afford villas, much less a plane ticket just to go down and see Betseyville, much much less a Betsey Johnson dress, we must make due with our own spaces, filling them with things that make us feel beautiful.  I love Betsey Johnson's vintage inspired flowers and colors, which is what made me drool over the photos of Betseyville.

Let's face it, when you're $600,000 short, you've just got to make due, which is why I've been exploring the beauty of vintage sheets.  If you find them at the thrift store they'll cost you about $0.50 to $5, which, if you ask me, beats buying a villa you can't afford to look at.

save money by going vintage for your bedding.
Or cut up your vintage sheets to make curtains

Use your sheets as a tablecloth

Use a vintage sheet for your shower curtain.

Since most vintage sheets come in twins and fulls we may have to make a few revisions .  Following are instructions for how to finish your sheets so they may adorn your windows and tables.  A sewing machine and iron are required.

Step 1: Cut your sheet to the appropriate size, leaving 2-3 inches on each side for your hem.

Step 2: fold the edge of the fabric over by 1 inch and iron.  We'll call this side the western side of your sheet.

Step 3: Fold the fabric over again and iron

 Step 4: Sew the ironed part to make a hem.  Follow steps 1-4 for the Eastern side of your sheet.  Then do steps 1-4 for the Southern part of your sheet.  If you are making curtains, go on to step 5.  If you are making a table cloth, repeat steps 1-4 for the Northern side of your sheet.

Step 5: To make a curtain, do step 1 to the Northern side of you sheet, then fold the sheet over again, this time by 3 inches, and iron.  Sew it.  You will insert the curtain rod through this space.

If you guys decide to try this I would love to see what you come up with.  Please tell me if you can think of any other uses for beautiful vintage sheets.

Little Manhattan: Claiming Air Rights in your Kitchen

"Cuius set solum, emus set usque ad calm et ad infers." For whoever owns the soil, it is theirs up to Heaven and down to Hell."

Someday I'll have my giant kitchen with a Viking gas range, copper hood, and a chef's rack hanging from the ceiling, holding my All-Clad, Calphalon, and copper-ware.  But for now I have my little orange kitchen, linoleum checkered floor, and terra-cotta colored counter-tops.  And, to be honest, amid all of my dreams of grandeur, this little kitchen is the place I feel most comfortable.  I love to wake up in the morning, make coffee with my love, and sit within the cheery walls of this little kitchen.  

With that said, my kitchen is very small.  I think of it as my little Manhattan, where the only place to go is up.  Since it is so small I have allowed my more attractive pans and dishes to become part of my kitchen's decor by hanging them on the wall rather than hiding them away in a cupboard.  After making these changes in my kitchen I suddenly had 2 cupboards and 2 drawers free, where I could organize my goods as well as hide my less attractive wares.

Following are a few ways to maximize the real estate in your kitchen (note, you will need a drill.  If you don't have one and can't borrow one, you can rent them from Home Depot.  However, I believe a drill is essential to the independence of any woman.  The moment I bought a drill I decided I could do anything.  I bought mine for $30 at home depot).

my magnetic spice rack.
As it turns out all of my
spices were old.  Here are the
4 I have left.

I. Make a magnetic spice rack.

By making a magnetic spice rack you can free up an entire spice drawer for something else in your kitchen.  If you have had your spices for more than 1 year you need to throw them out, anyway, as they are now flavorless.  While making your magnetic spice rack if you see you need to replenish your spices, take a trip down to your international grocery, where you can find spices at a quarter of the price.

1. Buy magnetic spice jars at World Market, Bed Bath and Beyond, or Wal-Mart ($2 each)  Label them with appropriate spices.

2. Purchase a small sheet of aluminum from Home Depot ($4).  Ask the kind sir with the orange apron in the hardware department to drill a hole in each corner.  If you feel confident in your drilling abilities, then this is something you can easily do yourself.

3. Hold your piece of aluminum up to the wall, using a level to make it straight.  Mark inside your drilled holes so you know where to put your anchors.

4. Place drywall anchor in the wall. 

5. Drill your spice rack into the wall.

8. Hang your spices.

II. Hang your pans on the wall

I originally hung my pans on the wall because I wanted my kitchen to look like Amelie's (yes, yes, that was also during my black hair bob phase). Then I realized that I really liked having an extra cupboard, where I could put my less attractive kitchen-ware.  In my dream world I would have a pan rack, hanging from the ceiling.  However, since those cost $200-$600 I decided to hang stationery hooks on the wall instead.  I bought mine at World Market for $2 each.  You can also get them at Hobbie Lobbie or you can get cast iron hooks at the flea market for $1-$4 each (the cast iron hook guy is always outside and has his shop in a tent near the Bradford St. entrance).  Since my kitchen has a South American feel I bought these cute little Mexican Tile hooks.  

1. Place anchors in the wall where you want your pans.  Remember, these pans are now going to be fixtures in your kitchen, so put them in a place that is aesthetically pleasing.

2. Drill your hooks into the wall.  Make sure they're secure before placing your pans on them by tugging on them.  

3 Clean the bottom of your pans, as they will now be facing your kitchen.  I recommend Bon Ami or Bar Keepers friend.

III. Buy a magnetic strip for your knives

IV. Put up an extra shelf.  

In my kitchen I have 1 free wall.  On this wall I put up 3 shelves, where my pretty dishes sit.  I have also purchased glass jars in which to place my tea, coffee, flour, surgar, etc (Apartment Therapy has a great blog on open kitchen organization).  The space inside my dish cupboard is now used for my less attractive dishes, mixing bowls, and pans.  If you still need extra room in your kitchen you can place little hooks on the underside of this shelf for your coffee cups.  For 1 shelf you'll need 2 L-Brackets, a straight piece of wood, anchors, and screws.  You can buy L-Brackets at Home Depot for a dollar, or you can wait until the flea market and buy cast iron Brackets from the cast iron man (about $4 each)

1. Mark the wall where your anchors will go

2. Screw in your anchors, then L-Brackets

3. Place the board on top of the L-Brackets and screw into place.

Click here to learn how to install an anchor

Click here to learn how to use a level

Click here to learn how to use a drill

Making old boots into new boots.

When I was 20 I found my dream coat.  This thing was amazing.  It was a plaid wool coat from the 60's with fur around the collar that I found for $30 on ebay.  I wore it until it was basically unwearable.  While on a visit some years later my mom made me a proposition, "if you throw that piece of carpet away I will buy you a brand new coat."  At first I said no.  She insisted.  I asked if I could get a new old coat like my ratty old 60's coat.  "No," she said.  "I'm getting you a new coat."  Those of you who have met my mom know there's no use arguing with her--she will win.   I couldn't bare to throw my coat into the trash, so we compromised and decided I would take it to the thrift store.  We drove down to Goodwill.  I ceremoniously placed the coat in the arms of the kind man in the blue vest.  "Be good to it," I said.  Parting with this coat was just like parting with my 1st pair of chucks--after I threw them away I couldn't bare to buy another pair.  I mean, no other pair of shoes would feel like they had been to Europe, Asia, middle and high school, college, rock shows, the Hanson saga, my first performance, my blue hair phase, my red hair phase, my multi-colored hair phase, 1 giant highschool crush, research papers, the mall days, Greek class, school productions, when I discovered music, JNCO's, Miss Angie, Lilith Fair, and, not to mention, puberty.  Or it was like when Friends went off the air--after that I just stopped watching TV all together.  Was this coat my lobster?  Would I, in fact, stop wearing coats?  It doesn't matter how many beautiful new pairs of shoes you buy--you'll always want to slip into those old, ratty shoes that know the shape of your foot.  Silly as it may seem, that is how I felt about this coat.

That was 3 years ago.  Hopeless as it might be I still occasionally peruse the coats at The Goodwill to see if my coat is in there.  And to answer my question, yes, I did stop wearing coats.  For 3 years I have frozen and/or layered my clothing because I haven't found a coat I'd like to wear yet.  I mean, once you've had Jeni's ice-cream, why would you go back to any other ice-cream?

With that said, why throw our good-olds away when they're worn out?  Though this little trick wouldn't have helped my coat, it has helped me keep my leather looking new--or at least not old--as well as giving new life to my Goodwill, flea market, and garage sale finds.  

You'll need: a rag you don't mind throwing away, bee's wax or leather weather guard (Clark's has a good one), and a hair dryer.

1. make your leather warm with your hair dryer

2. massage the bee's wax into your leather.

3. wipe off any excess wax.  Your leather will absorb the rest of the bees wax.  Don't worry--your boots will not be oily forever.

4. allow your leather goods to sit for a day before using them again.

5. Voila!

Should it provide any release, feel free to tell us about the time you threw your first pair of chucks/dream coat away.

Note, do not use this on suede.  Wax may make some leathers darker.  Also, please excuse the sequence of my photos--after 20 minutes of fighting with Blogger I am finished arguing.  It won.

after

before

after

before

Olive, the other Reindeer: Gifts you can eat

Every Christmas my dad tells the story about the kid who goes to his mom and says, "Mom, I don't like Olive."  And his mom says, "Who is Olive?"  And the kid says, "You know, Olive.  The other reindeer?"  (i.e. Olive the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names).  My dad loves Kid-speak.  In fact, he loves it so much that even after my brother and I stopped using Kid-speak, he still called children "churren" and yellow "lellow" and balloons were still called "bombaloons."  My sweet little 10 year old sister (who is now my sweet little 22 year old sister) sat him down one day and said, "Dad, I need you to stop using those words.  I am 10 years old and don't know which words are real and which words are not real."  Thus ended the day of Kid-speak in the house of Thomas.

Back to Olives.  Every time I go to Seattle I have to stop at Pike Place Market to pay homage to the olive man.  His store is the 31 flavors of olives.  I once asked him if I could try them all and he told me yes.  It was glorious.  Glorious.

With that said, I have come up with a few Christmas presents, which will help your pocket out and 2 of which indulge my love of olives.  The only way you'll save money with these is if you give multiple people the same gift.  You'll need small jars for each of these--I suggest getting them at Old Time Pottery. Let's have money for groceries this month.


The-Best-Bloody-Mary-you'll-ever-have kit.
You'll need: a big bottle of Stoli vodka, a jar of olives, a jar of jalepenos.

Fill 1/4 of your vodka jar with jalepenos and olives.  Pour a bit of olive juice into it if you'd like (I'd like).  If you have the money and want to complete the gift of Bloody Mary, accompany your vodka with a bottle of Zing Zang and tabasco miniatures.

Rosemary Olive Oil
you'll need: a big bottle of extra virgin olive oil (whole foods has a nicely priced one) dried herbs (I'm just using rosemary, but you can fill it with any herb).  It is important for the herbs to be dry because if they aren't the water left in the herbs can grow harmful bacteria.  I have a Rosemary plant outside, so I am drying whole sprigs of this to put into my olive oil.  However, I'm sure you can find what you need readily available at specialty food stores.  Place your dried herbs in your bottles, then pour olive oil over them.

Wonder Salt
This gift will be of no use to someone who does not have a salt grinder.  Make a mixture of coarse Kosher salt, peppercorns, coriander, and dried herbs.  Package.  Fini.


Bacon Bourbon
You'll need a big bottle of bourbon (I suggest using the giant Bulleit bottle for $40 or just good old Four Roses yellow).  Good, smokey bacon--it'll be worth the extra bucks--I mean, who wants putrid bourbon?  I use Benton's bacon (available at our very own Mitchell's Deli).

Cook your bacon.  Make a sandwich for yourself, then pour the grease into the bourbon (1/4 c. of grease to 3 cups of bourbon).  Let it sit for an hour, then place the mixture in the freezer and let it sit for 24 hours in the freezer.  The fat will separate from the bourbon.  Remove from the freezer and strain the bourbon immediately with cheese cloth or a coffee filter.  Voila!  Bacon bourbon.

If you have the extra bucks, accompany your bacon bourbon with angostura bitters, an orange, maraschino cherries, and some brown sugar (or grade B maple syrup) for the ultimate Bacon Old Fashioned kit.

Homemade Vanilla
You'll need: Vanilla Beans (Olive Nation has good prices), your liqueur of choice (you can use vodka, bourbon, rum, or brandy), and sweet little glass bottles.

Use 1 vanilla bean for every 1/3 cup of liqueur.
Place the bean in your bottle and fill the rest with liqueur.  Shake the mixture and allow it to sit, shaking it again every week or so.  The vanilla needs to sit for 2 months before it's ready to use.  So, whoever you give it to will have to wait a month to use it.  But it'll be worth it--you just can't buy good vanilla anymore.


Homemade Sugar Scrub
Technically, this one isn't for consuming--but should you want to, there's nothing stopping you. Click here for the recipe.  If you're giving it as a gift leave the citrus out so it doesn't spoil.

Organic Gardening by a Friendly Farmer

I'm working at the Harvest Market Garden. It is a part of UT's  organic program. There are 6 of us interns and we run a one acre garden and sell the produce at a weekly farmers market on campus. My farm dream is to have a homestead to produce food that is healthy for people as well as for the land. I want to heal the land and heal people with the food I grow. Organic, small-scale farming (what I do) is a great gender equalizer, I think, because it is mostly a matter of stamina - not sheer muscle power. The strength it takes to make it through a 12 hour day of harvesting, when it's 95 degrees, is quite different from the strength it takes to bench press 350pounds. I enjoy being on equal ground with the fellows I work with and feeling strong in what I do.

  

I'm working at the Harvest Market Garden. It is a part of UT's 

organic program. There are 6 of us interns and we run a one acre garden and sell the produce at a weekly farmers market on campus.

My farm dream is to have a homestead to produce food that is healthy for people as well as for the land. I want to heal the land and heal people with the food I grow.

Organic, small-scale farming (what I do) is a great gender equalizer, I think, because it is mostly a matter of stamina - not sheer muscle power. The strength it takes to make it through a 12 hour day of harvesting, when it's 95 degrees, is quite different from the strength it takes to bench press 350pounds. I enjoy being on equal ground with the fellows I work with and feeling strong in what I do.

If fancy loves anything it’s fresh.  Which is why Kirsten Eisele, who is currently working with The Harvest Market Garden in Knoxville, has written a little piece for us on budget organic gardening.  Kirsten has also agreed to help out with a little Q&A on budget organic gardening.  This girl knows her stuff.  Ask her anything in the comments below and she’ll answer.  

"Greetings, fancy ladies! I am a fancy girl who gets her hands dirty at different farms across middle and east Tennessee. Last year I had the privilege of living in a house where the owners had established a perennial herb garden and was 

completely won over to the joy of cooking with fresh herbs.

Fresh herbs are essential to every fancy girl’s kitchen. They lend that extra edge of flavor to any dish, whether a simple spaghetti sauce or a crusty loaf of rosemary bread.

The only problem with fresh herbs is that they cost a whole lot if you have to rely on the grocery store to get them. You’ll pay about $3 to buy a tiny package of probably not-so-fresh herbs that will go bad quickly if you don’t use them immediately

The solution? Grow your own! Most herbs are notoriously easy to grow. They will grow in the ground, in a pot, indoors, outdoors, on the roof, in the backyard. 

Starting from seed is my recommendation. It may take a bit longer for you to get the lovely-smelling plants you desire, but it will be worth the wait.

You’ll get the best value by purchasing an assorted seed packet. Individual seed packets cost about $2/each and can be bought at your local hardware store or farmers co-op.

http://www.amazon.com/Custom-Collection-Varieties-Quality-Seeds/dp/B0042AIYH0/ref=sr_1_2?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1307643807&sr=1-2

Many herbs are either perennials, such as rosemary and sage, or self-seed easily, such as dill. Put a bit of effort into setting up your garden and with luck you will be literally reaping the rewards for years to come.

The cheapest soil prep is good hard work, if you have a home where your herbs will be permanent. Dig up the spot where you're going to put the plants 

Here's a link to a recipe for homemade organic pest sprays. Super easy to make and earth-friendly. Though usually, the best organic form of pest control is to use two fingers to squish the offending bug!

Two Homemade Sprays for Fighting Aphids organicgardening.about.comThese two homemade organic sprays have a proven track record of effectiveness when it comes to getting rid of aphids.

Interested in an indoor garden? Check out this resource for information on growing different kinds of herbs.

http://www.indoorherbgarden.org/indoorgardeningtips.html

Interested in an outdoor garden? In our mild climate, perennial herbs can survive the winter and thrive during warm weather.

http://www.ehow.com/how_4933292_plant-outdoor-herb-garden.html

Please comment with any additional questions and I’d be happy to do a follow up Q and A post!

Your friendly farmer, 

Kirsten"