Monday, April 4, 2011

The B-word.

The last time I ordered a decaf coffee the entire staff behind the bar stopped what they were doing and looked at me, their mouths agape, their eyes wide.  The girl had a twinkle in her eye as she exclaimed excitedly, "A decaf??!"  What she really meant was, "Are you and Brandon expecting??!!" And the answer was no.  I just didn't want to stay awake for the rest of the night because, unlike most people my age, caffeine effects me in the most wonderful and devious of ways.    However, I do understand how she may have thought this, as Brandon and I just got married in October.  Also, we took a break from the world for the 5 months following our wedding, returned, and realized everyone had had a baby.  So, the natural thing to think is that, during the Nashville flood of 2010 the water supply was contaminated with things like trash, sewage, radiation, and sperm.  The mix of these things created what is technically known as SuperSpawn (i.e. radiated sperm), which swam into the Cumberland and came through the East Nashville faucets.  Once in your water glass, they were ingested, infiltrated the blood stream,  swam to their destination, and implanted.  Thus happened the influx of East Nashville babies in January, 2011.  But, no.  Not me.  I drink bottled water.

I'll tell you what that means to you in a minute.

So, you want to go out.  But you don't have the money.  But you want to go out.  And you don't have the money.  Ah!  But you want to go out!  And you should.  But only if it's in the budget.

You heard me.  Budget.  I'll say it again if you don't stop whining.  If you just cringed when I said the word "budget," you're thinking of it all wrong.  A budget is not there to deprive you.  It's there to allow you to spend your money on things you truly want (note that I said spend your money and not someone else's. i.e. your credit card company's money).  What's that you say?  You don't have enough money to make budget?  Ok, just bare with me.

How to make a budget:

1. make a list of your expenses, including your debt.
2. order your expenses from most important to least important (food is most important.  next is lodging.  next is everything else).
3. make a budget that includes the minimum payment of your debts.
4. Always budget for savings
5. Though you have to be smart with your money, don't forget to be generous.  Fancy girls are saavy, saucy, and frugal, but never are we cheap.

So, lets say Molly Sue makes $500 every 2 weeks.  Her rent is $300.  Here's what her 2 week budget might look like:

1. Charitable donations $50 ($450)
1. Food: $40   (balance $410)
2. Lodging: $150 (balance $260)
3.utilities: $75 (balance $185)
4. Cell phone: $50 (balance $135)
5. Fancy Soap: $10 (balance $125)
6. Fun: $30 (balance $95)
7. student loan $50 (balance $45)
8. gas $20
8. Savings: $25

It's very important to give yourself money for fun.  If you don't you'll blow the budget.

If, however, you find that you don't have enough money to make your payments, make sure you call the company who's not getting paid.  They may be able to adjust your payment to fit your income.  Trust me, they want to help you give them your money.

So, when the girls call you up to go to dinner, you look at the budget and see how much you have budgeted.  There you go.  Guilt free fun.  To stretch your $30 of fun, stick to Happy Hours, free movies in the park, and things going on in your city.  And if you find you're down to your last $2 you can always just order a cup of decaf.  But don't surprised if everyone thinks you're pregnant.  Happy budgeting!  

click here to see what Dave Ramsey says about budgeting.

1 comment:

Melissa said...

sperm in the water supply? ewwwww..... :)

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